


Euphoric

by Anonymous



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Internalized Transphobia, Misgendering, Neopronouns, Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Self-Harm, but xe doesnt like it skfjjfjfgjgjfkfj, this is shameless projection and no i am not okay sfjdjfgKJDJSFJDJF, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jonathan Sims didn't go to work today for the first time in a long time.Jonathan Sims hates himself. It's nothing new.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35
Collections: Fanfic Anonymous





	Euphoric

**Author's Note:**

> this is really short but im Struggling and needed to write it and need validation so im posting it here

Jon didn’t go to work today. 

Jon hasn’t missed a single day of work before. 

He’s a failure. But that’s nothing new. 

He? They? X- 

Jon didn’t go to work today.

Jon didn’t shower even though he kept telling himself to and Jon doesn’t remember the last time food was even near them. 

No one cares, anyway, so it’s fine. 

_ No one would care if you died. _

Jon’s been in bed for most of today. He likes having faint light in his own little space. They turn on the lamp and it doesn’t bring them any joy. 

Jon just wants to cry. She feels an overwhelming amount of nothing building behind her eyes. 

He is trying not to cry. 

He didn’t call in sick and he didn’t have to alert friends because he doesn’t have any. 

Jon wants a knife. Georgie used to get concerned. But mild concern is all she ever had, and more than he ever deserved, and they don’t talk anymore, so who would care. 

He wishes he had the guts to bleed. He digs the blade in and revels in the sting and ache and  _ pain. _ He feels bad, he's failed to not break, to be clean, but he didnt bleed like the failure he is, so does it count, anyway?

No one took Jon seriously as he grew older. Their grandmother didn’t even care, and they didn’t blame her. Everyone would be better off without him, anyway. 

Jon doesn’t go to work, and Jon wants to cry, because it’s stupid and they know it’s stupid, but no one will take them seriously, ever. All he is is a freak, and meaningless, and he wants to cry, and he digs in the knife, and he doesn’t want to bother today. He doesn’t want to bother ever. 

It stings, and he wishes it stung more, and no one would care, no one will care. And his feelings right now are a joke, and  _ he _ is a joke, he. They. Xe.    
  
Xe hates xymself for how euphoric xe makes them feel. He doesn’t even know how to properly use it. 

They call it a gender crisis, but it’s not, they’ve known. He knows. And he hates himself so much for it. 

Another reason  _ he’s  _ a freak, and they slash the knife against their wrist, all he is is stupid and a joke and freak. No one will ever take someone who wants to be xe, who wants to be made up, seriously.

Xe wants to die and xe wants to cry and  _ freak, freak, freak. _

**Author's Note:**

> send help


End file.
